+1 New Friend Request

So an old friend, well a current friend's ex girlfriend, sent me a FB friend request which I ignored. She has since sent me two messages each time appearing a little more desperate to mend the rift and find answers to why I don't want to be in contact any more. How do you say to someone - I just don't want you in my life?

I've grown up so much in the last two years. It all started when The Biscuit dumped The Rabbit (they got back together of course) and then at around the same time my three closest friends each broke hearts and became single again (not for very long I might add). This experience marked for me just how special these girls are and how I had evolved emotionally. The way that I coped was very different to the way I didn't cope when my previous relationship vaporised. Furthermore, my friendships with the girls got more intense and as we re-evaluated every aspect of our lives we renewed the fact that we really cared about each other and that was as good as love can get. I love these girls and I'll be with them forever - like a friendship marriage.

Then a year ago the Biscuit and the Rabbit not only changed post codes but area codes as well, leaving all their fellow 5000'ders behind in search of better work opportunities. And oddly enough my new job and the move left me all ass about. My "better work opportunity" was just about the worst job I've ever had and instead of making me feel empowered and successful I fell into a self-conscious and self-destructive wreck of myself. + 12 Kilos later and an ever growing dread of going to work each day I decided to make some changes in my life. And I've been making a sincere effort on that front with a few successes to be proud of.

I had to ask my self what do I really want? And the very simple, yet universal answer is that I want to be happy and until about two months ago I wasn't happy. A big step in the direction of happiness was changing jobs and lightening up a little but of course there's still more that I want.

Deep down the cause of my unhappiness since the post code change was not just my shitty job, it came down to loneliness. I miss my friends. I miss my Nan. I miss the passion I used to have, even though that has been missing for a long time. I miss having a purpose in life, even if that purpose was only the team that I coached or meeting my friends for a drink after work. I miss having something to dream of. I feel like in all the growing up I've down over the last 2 years I have lost all of that and it all makes me feel lonely. I'm harder, smarter, less patient, more cynical, tired, fed up, bitchy. And to be honest, in no mood to patch up broken hearts.

I know who I miss and I miss them every day. I know that I have made some pretty big sacrifices to live with the Biscuit and chase more money. We know what we have to do to get to where we want to be, the balance between the life we had and the life we are yet to afford. We know that means a few more years of loneliness. So while I'm living the sacrifice I don't want to waste time trying to reconnect with someone that quite frankly I was glad to see the back of.

All the growing has made me realise that before the post code change I had worked really hard at getting things right in my life. And they were almost just that, right. The Rabbit and the Biscuit worked out that they needed to be together to be happy. My friends, through all the break ups and hook ups found relationship harmony and were happier. We were all happier as a consequence. My routine was all right, my relationships all right but work was very wrong, so enter post code 3000. I've already blah d blahd about what went wrong there and now I'm here and I'll be damned if after all the change, all the growing, all the sacrifice that I just flirt with a superficial FB friendship.

But I still dont know, as smart and as mature as I am, how to tell someone, sorry but you're better off missing from my life.