Give Amy the Flick

Is it just me or are the whiny tones of Todd's girl in the car insurance ad like nails down a blackboard?"Am I getting through to you, Todd?" she asks, holding up a cheap - price no objection - diamond ring, and looking as coy as a crocodile. More grating is the ad's sad reminder that even in the 21st century there are women out there waiting, waiting, waiting for their partners to propose. I just don't get it. I thought we'd won the feminist wars and it was now a given that women and men were equals, give or take a bit of armed combat in war zones. Look around and you see smashed glass ceilings, girls doing better than boys in education and househusbands at play group. Strong, feisty female role models abound. Our deputy PM is a woman, a woman heads one of the big banks and there are even female bishops. Oprah rules. Yet here in 2008 we have young women passively letting the men in their lives have all that power over their futures. Well, passively-aggressively letting them, if the car insurance ad is anything to go by.

Sure, it's just an ad, however, I work for an ad agency and let me tell you this company knows more about you, your likes, dislikes, household disposable income and spending preferences than you probably know about yourself. This ad is not a drop in the ocean, it has been shot for a market-researched audience of bargain-hunting car-binglers. What's more, flick through the advice columns in the mags and you'll see the same old refrain. "We've been together a number of years and my family wonder why he hasn't proposed to me. They worry I'm wasting my 30s on him." Grrrr. Get a backbone, girl. If you want to get married, ask him to marry you. If he says no, live with it or leave and find a man who's the marrying kind.

For goodness' sake, it's your life we're talking about. You're the only one who should be at the controls. Surely deciding whether to get married should be like deciding on any other big decision in a relationship, whether it's buying a house or deciding to have a baby. It doesn't matter who thinks of the idea first. Either one of you can float the idea and then you can both work out, as a couple, what to do next. Imagine if men had to passively wait for a woman for the woman to let them know when it was time to have a child? What about if they had to wait around until the woman in their life decided it was time to buy a house? So how come people seem to think it's OK for women to have to sit around and wait for a man to ask them to marry them?

I thought women and men had realised that the whole idea of a proposal dates back to when a woman was her father's property, along with the house, the cows, the chickens and mum. A man had to ask the father if he could marry the daughter because he was asking for something that belonged to the household. Yuck. Its one thing keeping bits of the tradition - like getting your dad to walk you down the aisle - but it's another to let a man still be deciding your future.

OK friends, I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering if I’m going walk the walk, when I am going to propose. Well maybe I will and maybe I won’t. I’m in no rush and for some that’s hard to understand. I had a drink with a friend recently who asked me how long my partner and I had been together and proceeded to impart her wisdom on how she managed to finally get a proposal out of her man. She shared with me the title of a book which set out some rules that she followed closely and suggested I do the same. The conversation ended when she told me that if she were me she would have provided an ultimatum by now. Errrr. Gross.

Rest assured that if and when I do feel the need I will pop the question, straight up. I would be ashamed of myself if I'd stood there holding a cheap engagement ring and hinting, winking and pleading. If I did, I suspect he would turn me down. My partner is no Todd. And Todd shouldn't be one, either.